Knocked Out Of Heaven
by nonsensewriter
Summary: "We were so happy and unbelievably stupid to think that we'd be able to hold onto that. I want Bonnie and Stefan to come back more than anything and a part of me hates them for being able to stay while I couldn't, even more for not being able to go back. I don't want to hurt you or make you feel bad but you don't know how I feel so please don't pretend that you do."


**This is pretty much just AU from 5x22. Both Caroline and Stefan died at Julian's hands.**

* * *

Caroline Forbes stares at the tombstone before her, then to the one to her left, the tears in her eyes preventing her from seeing the names. Though it's not like she needs to considering she's been here everyday for the past two weeks.

"You have to come back to me." she finally says having been rooted in the spot for the past hour "I know I'm being selfish and I should want you to stay but I can't take it anymore. Matt doesn't remember anything and I'm tired of not having someone to talk too that doesn't look at me like I'm insane." she smiles bitterly as tears fall from her eyes, wrapping her arms around her body as she starts to shake "I want to compel him remember but I can't bring myself to actually go through with it and I hate it. I know that makes me a bad person but after having everything I ever wanted just ripped away from me, I just…" she trails off as sobs start to erupt from her body "just please come back." She whispers watching her breath dissipate into the night sky.

 **One Month Earlier**

Elena Gilbert paces back and forth, biting her nails, her eyes occasionally going to the three bodies lying side by side on the floor.

It's been six months since the Other Side had been destroyed and after months of following leads that got them nowhere and weeks of hounding Klaus who only agreed after he found out that Caroline had been one of the fallen supernaturals of their little group. Here they were waiting for the apparent regent to bring her friends back to life. She had already succeeded in resurrecting Matt. Now she was working on the other three. Finding out that Matt was one that was stuck on the Other Side after he had been killed without his ring was shocking to say the least. And try as they might, no one could figure out why he was there in the first place. After years of being introduced to all kinds of different beings that she had previously only thought to be things of folklore or legend, she couldn't wrap her mind around not knowing that he was one of them...whatever "them" was. According to the witch before her he was something that even she thought was to be a myth, having never encountered one herself.

"They aren't waking up, why aren't they waking up?" Elena asks frantically staring at the young witch she had only been introduced to one week prior sitting cross legged on the floor in front of Caroline's head, Bonnie to her right and Stefan to her left.

Davina Claire merely stares at the doppelganger only responding after Marcel nods his head after Klaus calls her name.

"They don't want to come back." Davina replies simply, refraining from adding that she can see why they don't want to.

"But Matt-"

"Barely had a connection to his true nature, so he was easier to reach, your friends are vampires and the other is a Bennett witch. This one," she points to Caroline "is younger and less powerful so I'm working on her to strengthen my abilities before I move on to this one" she points to Stefan "and she" she points to Bonnie "hails from one of the most powerful lines. And they're all clinging to wherever they are like hell so you'll have to excuse me for not being able to rip it from their hands just like that." she snaps her fingers to make her point "But it might be easier if you stop talking."

"Aren't you supposed to be the regent or something?" Damon frowns staring down at Davina.

"Leave," Davina commands, her voice leaving no room for argument though she can't help but add "Or I'll stop at the blonde one and leave the other two wherever they are." She holds the vampire's ice blue eyes, not flinching under his stare. Watching the brunette vampire tug on his arm with a smirk on her face as she manages to pull him out of the front door. Going as far as to putting a ward around the cemetery just so they won't be able to bother her again.

"Come now Sweetheart, back to work." Klaus smiles encouragingly, garnering strange looks from his protege and the newly crowned regent of New Orleans.

"I need the boy's blood." she states holding up two empty vials "He's the only one that was there with her, so he's our best bet at getting a connection."

Klaus lets out a heavy sigh but goes to do as she requests.

"Who is she to him?"

"The one girl that said no." Marcel answers with a grin as he goes to lean on the iron fence.

Ten minutes later Klaus walks back inside with two vials and hands them to the witch that narrows her eyes at him.

"He's still alive, just…" He waves his hand, not finding it necessary to share his well being with her.

Without a word she takes the vials and pours one vial on the blonde's still form, pouring the other into a syringe before stabbing it into her chest, pushing it until it's empty. Closing her eyes, she starts to chant causing every candle surrounding her to flare to life only stopping when the vampire abruptly sits up willing air that she doesn't need to fill her lungs.

"Welcome back, Love." Klaus smiles when Caroline turns to him completely oblivious to the panic mixed with fear and sadness in her eyes.

* * *

"Caroline?" Elena calls the vampire gently, taking measured steps towards her friend in fear of being on the receiving end of another one of her outbursts, the memory of having her neck being crushed under her grip still fresh in her mind. Caroline has been back for a week and other than the first day of her friend's resurrection has she―along with everyone else, the blonde vampire doesn't even look at Tyler―been able to get two words from her, the only one to the exception of the rule was Matt who seemed just as clueless as to why as they were.

"Just give me a minute to myself, please." Caroline says in a voice so low that Elena wouldn't have even heard if it weren't for her enhanced hearing.

"That's all I have been doing Caroline." Elena replies softly.

"You hovering in the background far enough that you think I wouldn't notice you is not giving me a minute to myself, Elena." Caroline says in a slightly higher tone "Just give me a minute, I'll be downstairs, just...please."

Elena presses her lips together and nods though she knows that Caroline won't see her and turns to leave the room, gently pulling the door closed behind her. Shaking her head when she takes a seat at the table when she meets Tyler's eyes from across the table. He starts to rise from his seat only to stop when Matt quickly gets up and heads for the room Caroline has claimed for herself at the Mikaelson's residence in the Quarter.

Matt waits for a full two minutes before knocking and walking inside without waiting for an answer and sees Caroline sitting on the bed wrapped in a blanket with her back to him.

"Breaking out the big guns," Caroline says "they must really be worried about me."

Matt opens and closes his mouth several times before letting out a long breath "Well considering that you haven't said anything for a week, yeah, I guess they should have brought me in."

Caroline lets out a small laugh but other than that doesn't respond.

"I know that I don't remember anything but, you can still talk to me Care."

"I think I've had enough of you looking at me like I need to be committed for a lifetime."

Matt flinches at her words "They thought we ended up in that darkness, Care. If you were with them, I think you would have done the same."

"But we weren't."

"They didn't know that."

"Then they should let Bonnie and Stefan stay instead of trying to bring them back." Caroline snaps.

"So we're just going to pretend that you don't want them to come back just as much as everyone else does?"

"That's not fair."

"No, it's not." Matt agrees then turns to leave Caroline alone, missing the tears that start to stream down her face.

* * *

Long after everyone that's not taking up residence at Klaus' mansion has left and everyone that has has gone to their own rooms, Caroline finds herself roaming the halls. Taking in the decor from the high ceilings to the furniture that had to be equivalent to the cost of a college education and the books to go along with it. But as she walks from room to room ultimately coming to a stop at the backyard she can't help but feel a shiver run down her spine. While the mansion―plantation really―in itself is beautiful, the history that comes along with it sure as hell isn't. After having had enough of her self imposed tour she heads back to her bedroom, walking inside taking in the bland interior. She walks over to the closet and rifles through it until she comes across an old blanket she took from Stefan's room and Miss Cuddles that she revived after her secret trip back to Mystic Falls after checking in on her Mother from a safe distance and goes downstairs to the living room. Plopping down in front of the fireplace after starting a fire, wrapping herself in the blanket as she sits crossed legged with Miss Cuddles in her lap as she stares at the dancing flames. Closing her eyes allowing herself to submerge in the sadness that she feels. Bringing both items up to her nose trying to catch a trace of their scents―even though she knows it's in vain, on top of being ridiculous―crying even harder when she gets nothing.

"Were you _with_ my brother?"

Caroline stills at the voice, feeling her body tense even more when he sits down next to her.

"Or were you in some weird polygamous relationship?" He questions after seeing the weary stuffed animal in her lap.

"I wasn't with Stefan." She answers after a moment, the emphasis on with finally registering in her mind.

"But you were with him, wherever you were before we brought you back."

Caroline nods not seeing the point in lying, after all she was talking to his brother and going by the concern she hears in his voice she doesn't feel as though she should even bother to do so.

"Where are they?"

"Here," she answers "We were all here, just not with you. It was…" she trails off knowing if she continues she'll have told him everything and everyone else that is no doubt listening "I miss it." she whispers "I want it back."

"But you can't go back."

Caroline shakes her head "I can't die. I've tried. In every way imaginable," she admits looking at him taking in the shock clear in his eyes "I just can't die." She shakes her head, her eyes puffy and red.

* * *

Elena along with Damon, Tyler, Liv, Matt, Jeremy and Alaric all watch in stunned silence as Caroline takes a seat in the empty chair next to Matt, her eyes avoiding everyone but briefly looks up only to quickly look away when she sees that Tyler is directly in front of her and considers leaving but decides against it when Matt slides her the plate he made for himself after adding a ridiculous amount of macaroni and cheese along with the goblet of blood that Elena was about to drink from to which she gives him a small smile. Taking a few bites before abandoning it in favor of draining the goblet after not being able to take the feeling of Tyler's eyes locked on her.

They were all back in Mystic Falls. After two weeks of failed attempts at getting Bonnie and Stefan back they thought that having a change of scenery would have done them all some good and going by how Caroline has finally emerged from the room she claimed as her own upon arrival―the way that she automatically went to it left Elena and Damon wondering what that was all about―they come to the conclusion that it might have actually worked.

"Care?" Matt calls her name when she rises from her seat.

"I need a refill."

"We have blood bags right here." Elena steps in pointing to the box beside her feet.

"I need to mix it with alcohol," Caroline replies "I haven't gotten my intake under control yet, and three humans at the table aren't helping." She mumbles as she walks away, only stopping when she gets to the basement placing her hands on the deep freezer taking three blood bags draining them all back to back to back, tossing them carelessly for show before going to the wall, sliding down it until her ass hits the floor. Wrapping her arms around her legs pulling them into her chest, resting her head on her knees.

She stays like that for a good ten minutes until she hears footsteps come to a stop a couple of feet in front of her and she doesn't need to look up to see who it is.

"Care,"

She doesn't respond but looks up, taking in his features before shifting her gaze elsewhere focusing her eyes on the wall behind him.

"You have a girlfriend, I don't think she'd appreciate you coming to coddle another woman."

"I'm not here to coddle you."

"Then go," she replies curtly meeting his eyes for the first time since she's been back "we're not the type of exes that can be friends. So, you should go." She states, making it clear that she's not going to participate in the conversation any further by placing her head on her knees. Biting the inside of her cheek when she hears his retreating footsteps that stop when a sob manages to escape her. But as soon as she looks back up to see him kneeling in front of her, that look on his face that shows that he's trying to find a way to make it all better she speeds away leaving him alone in the basement.

* * *

Caroline lies sprawled out in the middle of the road, staring up at the night sky peppered with stars coupled with a full moon. She hears a car approaching in the distance that comes to a screeching halt just before it hits her, but before she can do anything she's being hauled over someone's shoulder and watches as everything blurs until she's behind a tree watching along with whoever moved her as the driver gets back into their car after looking around with a confused expression on their face.

"This is something that I'd do, not you." Damon says watching until the car rounds the corner.

"We're not friends." She says though makes no attempt to move from his hold, showing just how far gone she is. Had this been any other time she would have broken every bone in his body just for brushing against her on accident. Now she doesn't even move when he lets go, merely watching as he walks around her frame until he's standing in front of her, the look on his face showing that he expected more of a reaction from her "I'm not me." She states when he doesn't reply.

"Why are you here, Damon? We don't do this. Or have you become some weird hybrid of Stefan and yourself?" She inquires remembering how restrained he's been since her return.

Damon frowns but wonders if she's right on some level, scowling at the fact that he's even considering this. But before he can reply she's gone leaving him to look around in every direction.

He finds her at her grave, watching from a distance as she drops to her knees wiping the dust off of her tombstone, before doing the same to Bonnie and his brother's. Leaving when he hears,

"You won't believe this shit,"

Making him realize that when she said she wasn't Caroline, she wasn't kidding.

* * *

"Would you believe me if I told you that I remember everything?"

"No," Caroline answers "because if you did, you wouldn't ask me that question." She finishes rising from her place in front of Bonnie and Stefan's tombstones, leaving Matt to visit them in peace.

* * *

"I know that you don't want to see me-"

"Yet that never stops you from coming." Caroline cuts her off turning to face the doppelganger waiting for her to continue, watching as the brunette's whole demeanour changes and she turns to leave the room not bothering to do so. To which Caroline stares at the place she was standing in for a couple of minutes before turning back around not paying any attention to the voice in the back of her mind that says that she went to far.

"You hurt her,"

"I know,"

"Is that what you're trying to do?"

Caroline watches from the corner of her eye as her mother climbs on the bed next to her.

"Push everyone away?"

"You shouldn't be here," Caroline says dodging her question.

"I'm your mother, Caroline."

"Which means nothing when I don't have control yet."

"I have Damon and Tyler on standby." Liz says, not bothering to call her daughter out on her lie, knowing that it'll only serve to make her angry.

Caroline nods "I just want them to leave me alone, and really leave me alone. Not hover in the background to give me the illusion that I'm alone. One day, that's all I want."

"Are you sure about that?"

"No one will ever understand that," Caroline says, her voice just above a whisper picking up on what her mother is really trying to ask "and the one person that would doesn't remember anything."

"But would it hurt to talk about it with him?"

"Yes, it would just make it worse."

* * *

Caroline watches from the corner of the room as the witch that brought her back to this hell hole and a vampire friend of her's try to bring Stefan back to life and she wants to stop her just as much as she wants her to succeed. It's been three weeks since she's been back and she reaching her boiling point.

She almost laughs when she thinks she sees Stefan's finger twitch, only to be stunned into complete silence when she hears a groan fall from his lips but that's as far as it goes since the witch stops, letting out a frustrated groan causing the ground to slip beneath her along with everyone else's feet as the candles melt down leaving nothing but a puddle of melted wax in their wake. Then all of a sudden everyone is looking at her and she doesn't understand why until she looks down and finds her right foot to be surrounded in what used to be a glass table. Without a word she carefully steps around the shards of glass and goes to the closet to grab a broom and a dustpan cleaning up her mess and dumping it in the trash bag, calmly walking past everyone and depositing the bag into the outside can before walking in no particular direction.

In the end she finds herself at Mystic Falls High, on the football field to be precise. Walking along the section of the field where she held cheerleading practice coming to a stop at the steel bleachers walking until she's on the second to the top row, plopping down. If she closes her eyes she thinks she can still hear the crowd cheering for the football team with her encouragement even though they were getting their asses handed to them by the visiting team. She sits there until the sun sets and she finds herself staring up at a starless night sky.

"I know you don't remember it," she starts when she senses two presences though she only acknowledges one when she sees him walking up the steps "but I do, and I hate it. I can't take it anymore, I don't want to be here anymore. Not here."

"I know," Matt says and if it weren't for the quickening of his heartbeat she would have believed him.

"What was her name?" She questions to see if she was wrong.

"Whose name?"

"Your wife," she waits for him to answer and when she only sees confusion and wariness in his eyes she nods with a small smile "You were married with two kids. Then you disappear and no one except for us remembers you being there. Your wife said that you skipped out on them years ago. Bonnie said that they were trying to pull us all back. We tried to fight it but the pull just fought harder. I was just about to walk down the aisle and then all of a sudden I'm back here. Bonnie was right," she chuckles "about the order," she elaborates "she said that I'd be next, then they'd work on Stefan and then they might work for her and if they didn't get her on the first try they'd give up."

Matt opens his mouth but Caroline cuts him off,

"We were so happy, and unbelievably stupid to think that we'd be able to hold onto that. I want Bonnie and Stefan to come back more than anything and a part of me hates them for being able to fight for as long as they have been while I couldn't. And even more for not being able to go back. I love you and I don't want to hurt you or make you feel bad but" Caroline pauses "you don't know shit about how I feel. So _please_ don't try to pretend that you do."

* * *

"...just please come back."

* * *

The next day Caroline finds herself back in New Orleans fully prepared for another failed attempt but feels her jaw drop as Stefan shoots up in the same manner she supposes she did and immediately speeds over to his side. Watching as pain clouds his eyes when she shakes her head.

"I'm sorry," She whispers feeling guilt flood her, her visit to his grave assaulting her mind making her feel as if it was her fault that he was back. Feeling her heart drop when he nods but then turns to his left to see Bonnie's still form.


End file.
